Blapril Day 2 - The Honest Job Interview

I've been working since I was 15. My first job was at a diner on the Southside of Chicago near my house called Hamburger Hotline. I bussed tables, brought the customers water, told them the specials of the day blahblahblah. I was up to my elbows in dirty dishes and bored out of my mind, but the waitresses were nice and tipped me well. I only took that job because I wanted spending money for clothes from Limited Express and to buy Duran Duran records. 

Yes, the actual vinyl records. That's how fucking old I am. 

The only break I took from working is when my kids were first born. I was in a privileged place that allowed me to do so. Otherwise, it was non-stop, and I was ok with that. 

I floated through my 20's, 30's and my early 40's. That's when the shift happened. Suddenly the job offers became far and few between. I was told that I'm "too experienced", as if that is a bad thing. I was told they fear I would become bored quickly and probably quit. 

Then came the pay discussion. Salary lowballs were flying all over the place. They wanted my experience (those who didn't tell me I'm "too experienced) but didn't want to pay me my worth. I was no longer the wet behind the ears recent collage grad that would work for pennies. I've worked way too long and hard for $15 bucks an hour, mkay?!

Of course you begin to wonder 'is it me? My personality?? Was I not dressed properly??? Did I fart mid-interview????'

Then it dawned on me. I have officially entered the era of Ageism. And what a shocking realization that was. And so not fucking fair! As an employer, you would think they would WANT to hire someone who knows what the hell they're doing. Apparently not. They fly on the cheap. And I get that, I do. 

So I was talking with a friend a few years ago and she asked if I put the year of college graduation on my resume. At the time, of course I did. She said that was a big mistake, because with that date they can determine my exact age. DUH! Of course. I can't believe I didn't figure that out sooner. I've stopped doing that since, obviously. 

I honestly can't say how many job interviews I've been on since 15. More than two hands. Times 100. But the questions were always the same.

*Tell me about experience. *How did you overcome challenges in previous positions? *What are your strengths and weaknesses? *Where do you see yourself in 5 years?...and so on. I'm sure most of you have been through this before. I began to sound like a broken record and become increasingly bitter. 

Then one day, I watched the movie Office Space. Familiar much? Fast forward 37 years since my first job. I'm old. I'm tired. And sick of the same damn questions. So here's the job scenario stuck in my head.

*Tell me about your experience - Um, did you not read my fucking resume?! It's right there, babes. I didn't just walk in off the street. 

*How did you overcome challenges? - I told everyone they were doing it wrong and beat them into submission. 

*What are your strengths and weaknesses? - Well Steve, my strengths are organization and management skills, a disgusting sense of humor as well as the ability to drink you under the table. Weaknesses?...um, yea. Nothing stands out. 

*Where do you see yourself in 5 years? - With your job, Steve. Because it's in my wheelhouse to abominate you. 

Mic drop

Is it me that thinks like that? Am I alone in this? Should I be institutionalized? Let me know in the comments, and be sure to subscribe. A bitch needs company.