Blarch #4 - My Uterus Was Quaking

Good evening Tashers!!!

Ok, I need an into here, and since none of y'all responded to my question yesterday, this is what it is. 

GOOD EVENING TASHERS!

Today's blog was unexpected and a tad unnerving, but thought provoking for me nonetheless. 

I had an actual in-person job interview today, my second since the whole COVID crap started 3 years ago. We've all lived primarily in a Zoom world during the pandemic, so to actually be interview by real humans in the flesh was refreshing. As I posted before, 2023 has GOT to be my most successful year yet. I need to be bigger, better, faster, stronger. 

So while getting a tour of the clinic by one of the occupational therapists, I couldn't help but notice her bulging belly. And I proceeded to do the one big No No when it comes to literally sizing up a woman's figure - I just blurted out 'When are you due?' 

The second that question left my lips, I sighed heavily and almost did a facepalm. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she had a health condition, or yes, was just overweight. Have I just became a judgmental, fat shaming asshole?!?! But a huge smile spread across her face and she said she was due in May. 

Whoooooooosh, I was relieved. I then felt safe to ask if she new the sex (boy) and if it was her first (yes). 

My heart began gushing. I remember the first flush of pregnancy, both times. Those 18 months I spent creating life were the most amazing experiences I've every had. My pregnancies were flawless and I was over the moon. I couldn't help but share how being a boy mom is the absolute best. She shared her concerns and fears, asking me several questions. We bonded, as if friends forever. 

But then, a slight sense of jealously hit me. I envied where she was in life with this baby. 

When our kids are young, we think time will go by slower than molasses, when, in actuality, it's over in a fucking heartbeat. I miss those days. And I honestly thought I'd have more kids than I do, but life circumstances didn't allow it. And lord knows, at 52, I will NOT be having any more. LW is grown and gone. Dude is already a self-sufficient teen. I have more freedom I've every had in over 20 years, and I love it. 

But still, ugh...there's that ache. That quaking. In my heart and my uterus. I drove home content yet confused with mixed emotions. 

Still waiting to hear about that job...fingers crossed! Be sure to subscribe for updates. 




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