Blapril Day whoknows

You know you've reached middle-age when all this shit happens: 

1. You wake up with dry mouth, a crick in the neck and excruciating pain in your sciatica, after doing NOTHING to cause it.  

2. You see a handsome man out in the wild, then, after reflection, you realize you are probably old enough to be their mom. Fuck.

3. You have zit cream and tampons on call...because you never know what the hell your menopausal body chooses to do that day. 

4. Your favorite bands you use to scream for are pushing 70. Instead of throwing panties, they may get slapped in the face with Depends. 

5. Everything sags and every hair follicle goes grey, including your eyebrows and naughty bits. 

6.  When your eyesight becomes so shitty you need to take off your glasses to read anything, and readers when you're wearing contacts. 

7. As a divorcee in your 50's, the dating pool is so pathetic you'd rather drown. 

8. Your patience for stupid people goes down while your liquor intake goes up.

9. Your hair is thinning quicker than your waistline, which is so bloody unfair!

10. AARP finds it funny to continually stuff your mailbox with offers of a free luggage set and 10% off at Denny's if you enroll. I'm not laughing. 

10.A. The best thing about being middle-aged is your skin is thick, your heart is strong, you've cultivated the most amazing tribe and you are finally comfortable in your own skin. No fucks given, no fucks taken. 

Please share any stories you may have, I'd love to hear your voice. And be sure to subscribe!